Two Shades of a Very Young Adult

As I type right now, I do not know what I feel. It is like I am transparent right now without any thoughts but at the same time, misted with ideology. I feel a need for introspection, yet I know who I am. It feels like I have figured out life, but at the same time, there is a child stuck in this adult body. I am at the moment when I want to compare myself with the past to see how far I have come and contradict it by slamming all the doors of old chapters.

At this point, I have two completely different circumstances/people/ideologies/beliefs, which are pulling me apart in two different directions. When one has brought quite a change in me(which was obligatory at this point), the other seems to drag me back to the dung. While I can see a stretched and infectious smile at one end at the other end, I conclude ignorance is bliss. While my life looks out for more romcoms, I want to dwell in self-rejuvenation. I am thrilled to see what's next in my life while I have an extreme issue of letting things go off. I want to make new bucket lists and scrapbooks while at the same time throwing away my old journals. No, I am not depressed or in unfavorable circumstances; it is just a lot to figure out and a cry to make it perfect. (I know the old saying- nothing is perfect. But humans always desire the same, and you can't deny it)

And with my total consent, I can say:

While I can feel a considerate Atlas calling for me on the right end and a regretful Ryle on the other end. But I can also judge some marred situations and an abroad environment in the first circumstance, and the latter feels like home.

(not as toxic as it sounds).

(and it's not mood swings).

Not that this writing made things easier for me, but it at least made my thoughts flow and realize what I am feeling. The other reason is- I am giving myself reassurance of other people existing in the world going through the same confused young adult years.